Tucson, AZ – Reiterating his intractable policy of tarping all exposed cargo, Service Agent Charlie Fuentes of All Four Oceans & Air held the line on Tuesday while requiring the assigned trucker to tarp an out-of-service cell tower for transit from Tucson to Phoenix. “I’m totally unprepared for this, I think Alex Honnold himself would consider this too risky to scale,” stated flatbed driver Ike Hayne, his full weight resting on a small notch the size of a screwdriver. Advocates for driver safety pointed out a long checklist of potential infractions as Hayne desperately attempted to unfurl the 80-pound lumber tarp upon the antenna array of the corroded tower, “I don’t see a safety vest, and I’d like to run his E-logs to ensure he’s sufficiently rested,” advised an FMCSA representative. At press time, a bloodied but alive Hayne was observed in transit 15 miles from delivery as the fragmented remains of his shredded tarps gently blew across the desert highway.

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